Many years ago, I sat in my grad school cap and gown and felt what most graduates feel: Proud. Relieved. A little bit terrified. But, more than anything, excited.
What do I wish I knew then? A lot. But here are the top three.
#1: Work-life balance doesn’t exist—so embrace the flow.
Work-life balance, I’ve learned, is an illusion—a mirage. Throughout my 20s and even into my 30s, I had this notion that there was this perfect balance that could be achieved—that had to be achieved. Whenever I was doing something for work, I was wondering if I should be spending more time on my personal life. And if I was nurturing my personal life, I felt guilty that I wasn’t working.
I felt like I struggled to find that perfect balance that the world promised was possible—this thing I thought other people were achieving that was out of my grasp. I didn’t know how to get there.
And then, in my mid-30s, I realized that balance is bunk. There is no such thing. It’s not about balance at all—it’s about flow. Sometimes, it’s a work flow. Sometimes, it’s a personal flow. So just go with that flow, and don’t have guilt on either side. Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t think anyone else has it figured out.
Ride the waves—and enjoy the ride.
#2: Discomfort leads to growth.
I am an introvert. Networking events, for example, used to sound horrifying. I thought, “I don’t know anybody. What am I going to say? Who am I going to talk to?”
But I realized that I love connecting with people one-on-one. So I could go to networking events—which were totally out of my comfort zone—but find my own place within them by working to make an authentic connection with just one person. It helped me grow to the point where networking events are now something I enjoy, because I know how to lean into them in a way that feels really good to me.
Another example is public speaking. I was terrified of it. When I entered grad school at Knowlton, every graduate had to give a public lecture as a capstone project. For my whole two years here, the idea of giving that lecture tormented me. “How am I going to do this?” I thought. But once my time came, I practiced, and I practiced, and I practiced. I was still terrified to walk onto that stage, but I did it. And I realized I wasn’t terrible at it. Many years later, I’m a fairly confident public speaker.
In short, it’s OK to be uncomfortable—because that is how we grow the most.
#3: Acquire mentors throughout your life.
Of course, it’s great to be part of official mentorship programs if you have access to them through your work or community. But what has helped me the most is co-opting mentors without them even knowing it.
When you meet people who inspire you, don’t wait for a formal agreement. Ask them to grab a coffee or lunch. Figure out how you can learn from them. Be proactive, but don’t be formal. Just say, “Can I grab coffee with you?” Be more fluid about what mentorship is. Get in the mindset of learning and absorbing from people throughout your life.
I still grab mentors now. If I meet somebody I admire, I’m always trying to get another meeting with them. No matter where you are or how much experience you have, you’re always admiring someone. Make them a mentor—whether or not they ever know it.
To the fresh graduates, thank you in advance for what each of you will bring to the world.
Best wishes, and congratulations!
By Bhakti Bania